How to Teach Youth About Healthy Romantic Relationships

• February 26, 2025
• Jennifer Salerno

Romantic relationships can be exciting, confusing, and sometimes overwhelming for youth. As they start exploring these connections, they often rely on what they see in the media, among their peers, or at home – some of which may not set the best example. Without guidance, they might struggle to understand what makes a relationship healthy, how to communicate their needs, or when to set boundaries.

As professionals who work with youth, you have the opportunity to guide them toward building relationships rooted in trust, communication, and healthy boundaries. By working towards these foundational relationship principles early, you can help youth develop skills that will serve them well into adulthood.

In this article shared in honor of February as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we will cover

• How to teach youth about trust in relationships
• Ways to help youth set and respect healthy boundaries
• Effective strategies for coaching youth on communication skills

1. Teaching Youth About Trust in Romantic Relationships

Why Trust Matters

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When youth learn to build and maintain trust, they create relationships based on mutual respect, honesty, and emotional safety. However, trust can be fragile, especially in adolescence. Peer pressure, social media influence, and past betrayals can make it difficult to navigate.

How to Teach Youth About Trust

• Model Trust in Your Own Relationships
  Youth learn from observation. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, demonstrating trustworthy behavior, like following through on promises and being honest, helps them understand what trust looks like in action.
• Discuss the Role of Honesty and Reliability
  Explain that trust is built through consistent, honest actions over time. Encourage youth to think about relationships where they feel safe and supported. What characteristics make those relationships strong?
• Use Real-Life or Media Examples
  Many movies, TV shows, and social media narratives depict trust being broken. (How many Taylor Swift songs are about relationships being over!?) Using actual events from the media or pop culture can be a great way to start the conversation with teens. Ask what went wrong and how it could have been handled differently, or invite them to imagine what healthy trust could look like.
• Teach Boundaries as Part of Trust
  A key aspect of trust is respecting boundaries (which we’ll get to next). Help youth understand that pushing past someone’s comfort zone can break trust and damage a relationship.

Encouraging youth to reflect on and practice trust-building behaviors can help them create healthier, more meaningful romantic relationships.

2. Helping Youth Set and Respect Healthy Boundaries

What Are Healthy Boundaries?

Boundaries are essential for creating respectful and balanced relationships. They define what is comfortable and acceptable for each person and help prevent misunderstandings, emotional distress, and unhealthy power dynamics. Teaching youth about boundaries helps them to learn how to advocate for themselves and respect others.

There are 3 key types of boundaries in relationships:

• Emotional boundaries: The ability to express feelings safely and without fear of judgment. Example: “I need time to process my emotions before talking about them.”
• Physical boundaries: Comfort levels with touch, personal space, and physical affection. Example: “I’m not comfortable with physical affection beyond hugging and holding hands.”
• Digital boundaries – Setting limits on texting, social media sharing, and online privacy. Example: “I don’t feel comfortable sharing my passwords, even though we trust each other.”

How to Teach Youth About Boundaries

Many youth struggle to recognize their personal boundaries simply because they have not spent significant time considering or defining them. To guide youth towards understanding what their personal boundaries are, try asking ‘bite-sized’ questions that get at one aspect of boundaries. Questions might sound like, “What makes you feel respected in a relationship?” or “What kinds of behaviors might make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable?”

Encourage self-reflection so they can establish clear expectations for how they want to be treated. Once youth understand their boundaries, they need to express them confidently. Teach them to use “I” statements to communicate their needs, such as: “I feel uncomfortable when you text me late at night. Can we set a time for conversations?” or, “I need some time to myself after school before hanging out.”

Role-playing scenarios can help them practice boundary-setting in a supportive setting. A relationship isn’t just about setting personal boundaries – it’s about respecting others’ limits, too. Encourage youth to listen when their partner expresses discomfort and to never pressure someone into crossing a boundary.

Discuss Red Flags in Boundary Violations

Unfortunately, sometimes boundaries aren’t just ignored – they’re actively violated. It’s important to teach youth to recognize red flags such as:

• A partner making them feel guilty for setting a boundary.
• Pressure to share private information, passwords, or personal space.
• Dismissive reactions when they say “no” to something.

By equipping them with the knowledge and confidence to set and enforce boundaries, we empower them to engage in respectful, healthy relationships – and perhaps even more importantly – to know when to end a relationship that is not respectful, equitable, and safe.

3. Coaching Youth on Healthy Communication Skills

Why Communication is Key

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Without it, misunderstandings can easily arise and cause unnecessary conflicts and emotional hurt. In romantic relationships, clear and honest communication helps to strengthen trust, clarify intentions, and prevent issues from escalating.

Youth, in particular, are still developing their communication skills and may find it challenging to express themselves clearly or deal with emotions in high-stress situations. Teaching them how to communicate effectively sets them up for success in all relationships, not just romantic ones.

How to Teach Youth Healthy Communication Skills

• Teach Active Listening
  Active listening involves truly hearing what someone is saying and responding thoughtfully. Encourage youth to practice this skill in their everyday interactions. Remind them that communication isn’t just about talking – it’s about listening with empathy and understanding. Really listening.
  • Tip for active listening: Look at the speaker, avoid interrupting, and validate their feelings. “You’re upset, and I understand why that would hurt.”

• Use “I” Statements
  When people feel intensely about a relational situation, they often express their feelings in ways that sound accusatory, such as “You never listen to me” or “You always turn things back to yourself.” These statements put the other person on the defensive. Encourage youth to use “I” statements to own their emotions and create a safe space for discussion: “I feel upset when you don’t respond to my texts. I would appreciate it if you could.” This avoids blaming and focuses on expressing personal feelings, which fosters understanding and prevents conflict.
• Teach Assertiveness, Not Aggression
  Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts and feelings confidently and respectfully, while aggression involves forcing your point of view or belittling others. Help youth understand the difference:

• Encourage Conflict Resolution
  Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how they’re handled can make all the difference. Teach youth strategies for calmly resolving disagreements without escalating them:
  • Stay calm and take a deep breath before reacting.Stay focused on the issue at hand, avoiding personal attacks.Work together to find a win-win solution.
  Consider practicing with them through role-play scenarios so they can get comfortable with conflict resolution techniques.
• Recognize Nonverbal Communication
  Communication is more than words. Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice all play a huge role in how messages are received. Have you ever picked up on how the tone of a conversation in a virtual meeting can shift based on whether people have their cameras on or not? It has to do with how we use nonverbal communication.
  
  Help youth become aware of their own nonverbal signals and the signals others may be sending. Are they crossing their arms, avoiding eye contact, or speaking in a defensive tone? These signs could indicate discomfort or distress and may require more careful attention.

4. Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns and Red Flags

While teaching youth about trust, boundaries, and communication is essential, it’s equally important to help them recognize when a relationship is unhealthy. Many youth lack the experience to identify red flags, and some may even mistake controlling or manipulative behaviors for signs of love or commitment. By educating them on unhealthy relationship patterns, we empower them to make informed choices and seek help when necessary.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

An unhealthy relationship often involves patterns of control, disrespect, and emotional harm. These can escalate over time, making it harder for the person involved to recognize the warning signs. Some common red flags include:

• Excessive jealousy or possessiveness: A partner constantly checking up, demanding to know where they are, or getting upset when they spend time with friends.
• Guilt-tripping or manipulation: Making someone feel bad for setting boundaries, saying “If you loved me, you’d do this for me.”
• Lack of respect for personal space or privacy: Pressuring someone to share passwords, read their messages, or ignore their need for alone time.
• Frequent criticism or belittling: Insults, name-calling, or attempts to make someone doubt their value and worthiness.
• Controlling behaviors: Dictating what they wear, who they talk to, or how they spend their time.

For some youth, these behaviors may not seem like a big deal, especially if they believe that “love” justifies them. That’s why open conversations about what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship are so important.

How to Talk to Youth About Relationship Red Flags

Rather than just listing signs of an unhealthy relationship (and run the risk of the youth checking out or feeling lectured), try to engage in discussions that help them think critically about these dynamics. Try these approaches:

• Ask open-ended questions: “If a friend’s partner constantly checked their phone and got angry when they didn’t text back immediately, what would you think about that?” This encourages reflection and conversation rather than lecturing.
• Use relatable scenarios: Share stories (real or fictional) that illustrate how unhealthy relationship patterns develop over time. Ask youth how they would respond in those situations.
• Make it clear that seeking help is okay: Many youth fear speaking up because they worry about being judged or not taken seriously. Let them know they can always turn to a trusted adult, whether that’s a parent, teacher, or counselor.

What to Do If a Youth Is in an Unhealthy Relationship

If a young person confides in you about relationship concerns, listen without judgment. Dismissing their feelings, overreacting, or jumping in to “fix it” can push them away. Instead, you can:

1. Validate their feelings: Acknowledge that their emotions are real, even if you don’t fully understand their situation.
2. Ask how they feel about the relationship: Instead of telling them what to do, guide them to recognize unhealthy patterns themselves.
3. Provide resources: Share helplines, counseling services, or educational materials that can help them navigate their situation safely.

Healthy romantic relationships are built on trust, boundaries, and communication – but youth don’t automatically know how to develop these skills. As a professional who works with youth, your guidance can help them navigate relationships in a way that encourages mutual respect and emotional wellbeing.

Ready to Do More to Help Our Youth? The Time is Now.

Research and experience tell us that today’s youth are facing unprecedented challenges in multiple risk areas, including interpersonal relationships, community violence, substance use, and mental health needs. Possibilities For Change is dedicated to identifying, addressing and reducing these risks to help youth live safer, healthier, more successful lives.

So, where do we go from here? First, keep the conversation going. Whether you’re a school social worker or mental health professional or a parent, caregiver or guardian, you have an important role to play. Encourage open discussions, provide role-playing opportunities, and be a trusted resource for youth as they navigate the complexities of relationships.

Additionally, you can be a champion and advocate throughout your personal and professional networks for schoolwide mental health screening. Hit the button below to get our latest updates and learn more about how you can get involved.

About the Author

Jennifer Salerno, DNP, CPNP, FAANP, is the Founder and CEO of Possibilities for Change and a nationally recognized clinician, researcher, and social entrepreneur. A passionate clinician, visionary leader, and devoted parent, Dr. Jen is on a mission to change the odds for at-risk youth by blending evidence-based clinical practice with research, radical partnership, and unwavering empathy. With more than 30 years of experience in pediatric care, adolescent development, and school-based health services, she developed RAAPS (Rapid Adolescent Prevention Screening) at the University of Michigan and launched Possibilities for Change to scale that methodology nationally — supported by trauma-responsive technology and a comprehensive approach to youth wellbeing. As a mother of two, Dr. Jen brings both professional expertise and personal commitment to every aspect of this work.